People in industrialized countries are experiencing a steady decline in the quantity and quality of social relationships. In Bowling Alone Robert D. Putnam said Americans have gone from a society of joiners to one of loners. He convincingly documented this by marshaling statistics which show startling declines in the membership of political parties, labor unions, civic organizations, religious and charitable organizations, neighborhood associations, sports clubs and so forth. Contemporary social trends along these lines are reduced inter-generational living, greater social mobility, delayed marriage, dual-career families, increased single-residence households, and increased age-related disabilities. Over the last two decades there has been a three-fold increase in the number of Americans who report having no confidant.
Does lack of meaningful human contact and good social relationships predict early death? The answer is yes. In a study published in the online journal PLOS Medicine in July 2010 University of Utah psychologists Julianne Holt-Lunstad and Timothy B. Smith and UNC epidemiologist J. Bradley Layton performed a meta-analysis on 148 scientific research papers dealing with the link between social relationships with morbidity and mortality. The studies looked length of survival in 308,849 participants who were followed for an average of 7.5 years. The meta-analysis demonstrated a 50% increased likelihood of survival for participants with stronger social relationships. This finding remained consistent across age, sex, initial health status, cause of death, and follow-up period.
In their conclusion the researchers say that individuals with adequate social relationships have a 50% greater likelihood of survival compared to those with poor or insufficient social relationships. The magnitude of this effect is comparable with quitting smoking and it exceeds many well-known risk factors for mortality (e.g., obesity, physical inactivity).
Study author Timothy Smith said that relationships provide a level of protection for our physical health across all ages. He reminded us not to take relationships for granted as if we fish that never noticed the water.
Lawyers and other busy professionals need to take this study very seriously. Too many of us spend the bulk of our waking hours working, commuting, thinking about work, preparing for work, and soothing ourselves to relieve the stress of work. We make resolutions to spend more time with family members, but do we keep them? Some of us only see family for milestone birthdays, marriages and funerals. When we run into old friend we say “it’s been way too long, we’ve just got to get together soon,” but how often do we actually follow up? More and more people substitute Facebook communication via the Internet for real in-the-flesh socializing.
How does friendship make us happier, healthier people who lead longer lives?
The authors of the PLOS Medicine article say social relationships buffer stressors which would otherwise damage individual health. They provide resources (informational, emotional, or tangible) that promote adaptive behavioral responses to acute or chronic stressors (e.g., illness, life events, life transitions). Just having friends and knowing that social support is available can increase a person’s stress tolerance. Spending time with friends and sharing a laugh lowers cortisol and increases endorphins. Social relationships may directly encourage or indirectly model healthy behaviors. Loners have less incentive than people in active social networks to engage in self-care and good hygiene. Being part of a social network gives individuals meaningful roles that provide self-esteem and a life purpose. Being alone during non-work hours can be taken as proof that one’s life isn’t meaningful or that other people don’t care about you.
We are social creatures. Our survival during pre-historic times depended on staying together in small, cohesive groups marked by a high degree of cooperation. People have a strong inner need to contribute to the lives of others, to give and receive human touch, and to exchange admiration, appreciation and affection with people they care about. When we experience something truly interesting, beautiful or awe inspiring we naturally want to share it with a friend. When we are lonely, scared or sad we long to share our feelings with a confidant and get his or her support.
Ultimately it’s so much better for our health and happiness to let go of the chance to make that one extra dollar and spend that time with a friend instead. The real bottom line is not what you have in the bank, but how long you’ll live to enjoy your family, friends, and everything else that brings you joy. If the thought of spending more time socializing and less time at the office makes you apprehensive about your financial bottom line, then remember that avoiding social relationships will significantly increase your odds of dying. To have friends you have to be a friend. Believe me it pays off. Your life will be way more enjoyable and your odds of survival will increase by 50% Isn’t that the best deal in town?
Right after finishing this blog entry I received a touching email from my sister-in-law Lori Carlson Watsky in Austin, TX, about the value of friendship. I’m reprinting it here because it so beautifully captures why we need friends:
“If you happened to read a recent front page story of the SF Chronicle, You would have read about a female humpback whale that had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.
A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate ) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her. They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her.
When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around…she was thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.
May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude. I pass this on to you, my friends, in the same spirit.”
