Posts Tagged ‘Mindfulness’

CURB ELECTRONIC SCREEN USE TO PREVENT BRAIN OVERLOAD AND ENHANCE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

On 8/24/10 Matt Richtel (the Pulitzer Prize winning technology journalist from the NY Times) spoke on NPR about the hazards of over-use of screens for our brains and our relationships. In the 1960s the only screen in our lives was the TV in our living room, except for occasional trips to the movie theater. Now we not only use computer screens at home and office, but we carry portable screens around with us wherever we go on our mobiles, blackberries and I-pads. They have become ubiquitous.

Screens keep us in touch with supervisors, co-workers, clients, family and friends. They are fun and entertaining. But, says Richtel, we need to think carefully about the costs of using screens in certain situations. When you’re trying to combine one activity with “information jiggling” the result may be failure at both. Texting while driving has been shown to cause a level of impaired reactions equal to being drunk. Even hands free cell phone use while driving can slow reaction time by just enough milliseconds to cause a collision. On my way back from the store this morning to buy milk a young man glued to his cell phone walked in front of my car against a red light and a red “Don’t Walk” signal. Lucky for him I wasn’t using a cell phone too. 

Car shows this year are displaying new models with 10 inch screens on the dash that allow the driver to see restaurant reviews, album covers and a variety of other content. If you feel compelled to buy this sort of car please protect yourself, your car occupants and others on the road by having your passenger read this stuff. Keep your eyes on the road.

Richtel wants us to ask whether our hunger for a constant stream of data in our lives has helped or hurt us. There is abundant research to show that our brains slow down and make more mistakes when processing more than one task. Two is difficult but three is a fiasco according to research published in the April 2010 issue of Science by Etienne Koechlin, a professor at the Ecole Normale Superieure in Paris.

Although people believe they are great at multi-tasking, our brains were not designed to track and digest the sheer amount of information we are getting from screens. If our ancestors had to read and respond to emails on their cells phones while deciding whether or not to run from a saber tooth tiger, we probably wouldn’t be here. Although we don’t have saber tooth tigers anymore, compulsively checking your email and flipping your attention back and forth from email or texting to what you should be focusing on makes it hard to do anything well. How many lawyers have you seen at MCLE seminars scanning and replying to emails on their laptops when they were supposed to be listening to a lecture that could prevent malpractice?

Richtel says you may think you’re spending quality time with your kids while checking and responding to text messages on your phone, but you’re not really present and you’re not really listening to them. He finds it disrespectful. He also worries that parents who do this are teaching their kids to devalue others in the same way. I’ve noticed that these days a play date for 9 year old boys involves both boys sitting faced in opposite directions hunched over their video game players.

To probe the full effects of frequent screen use Richtel accompanied a group of neuroscientists to a very remote corner of Utah on a camping trip. The rule of the expedition was that no one could bring any type of screen be it a PC, hand held device or mobile phone. Half of the group was made of  believers (those who were convinced e-screens were bad for focus and concentration) and half of skeptics (those who thought the value of constant access to information outweighed any problems associated with e-screens).

Richtel says that after 3 days with no e-screens everyone felt more relaxed. Their sense of urgency had faded. They took longer to answer questions. They slept better. When Richtel came home from that trip he banned cell phone use whenever he spent time with his son. He also took himself off Twitter. Simplifying your life in this day may mean eliminating some possessions, but it can also mean less time on e-screens.

As a technology based culture we have crossed a line. There is no going back to the old days. Screens are here to stay and they will continue to play an essential role in our work and home life. There’s no doubt they can be very helpful, especially GPS systems for finding our way while driving to a destination. But, we need to exercise some caution here. Richtel advises that each of us needs to find the line between technology informing us and from technology distracting us, impeding our productivity and even undermining our health. He points to research at Stanford showing the screen use can become addictive and that some heavy users of video games lose the ability to filter out irrelevant information.

Richtel says that many young people feel bored or even socially invisible if their mobile phone isn’t ringing or vibrating with a new text message. Thus they carry around tension until their device springs to life. It’s a sort of Pavlovian response. Just as Pavlov’s dogs waited eagerly for the bell to eat, many teens and twenty somethings wait eagerly for the dopamine blast they get from a ring of their cell phone. This is opposite of mindfulness – a state of relaxed, non-judgmental awareness of the present moment. Mindfulness is associated with mental health and happiness, whereas chronic tension can lead to anxiety and depression.

Richtel says it boils down to the idea of nourishment. Some foods, like Twinkies, are bad for us and others, like broccoli, are good for us. The old belief that all computer use is good for us has been disproven. I think it’s reasonable to say that a lot of the email we scroll through and read is junk, and that we could all live well with fewer text messages. Mental nourishment is one way to address this issue. Another way is through the concept of life balance. What is the best way to spend your time? Do you believe that having an undisturbed conversation with your spouse and kids is important? Do you believe that having an undisturbed walk in the park is important? Do you believe that quiet time for meditation, life reflection, prayer or even napping is important?  Then balance out your life by spending less time on e-screens.

DEALING WITH THE GUILT THAT GOES WITH BEING DEPRESSED

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

Being depressed is hard enough. You feel sad, inadequate and worthless. You feel as if nothing you’ve ever done, can do or will do matters. You don’t feel like getting up, eating, getting dressed, going outside, working or playing. You just want to stay in bed and sleep. You’re listless, apathetic and de-energized. But, to make matters worse, people who are severely depressed tend to feel a great deal of guilt. I know this only too well. I know it because I’ve been severely depressed and felt this guilt, and I know it because I have sat in groups of depressed adults who speak of feeling this guilt with shame and pain written all over their faces.

What is a severely depressed person guilty over? How about guilt over not being able to work and earn income. Guilt over not taking care of your client’s cases and leaving your partners or associates to pick up your work load. Guilt over not being an active, involved and competent parent to your children who drives them to/from school, coaches their sports and helps them with homework. Guilt over not being a worthy role model for your kids. Guilt over your kids being ashamed of you when their friends find out their lawyer dad or mom is home depressed.

Then there’s guilt over not doing your share of home chores like grocery shopping, cooking, dish washing, house cleaning, weeding the yard or walking the dog. Guilt over not being a good spouse by supporting, encouraging and validating your partner’s efforts in the world – or by not being attractive, sexy and able to engage in passionate lovemaking. Guilt over needing help from others. There’s even guilt over being depressed in the first place.

Psychologists who treat severely depressed people say that guilt is an obstacle to recovery because guilt is a tool of self-punishment. You can’t get well, become functional again and regain your self-respect if you keep bashing yourself for being such a failure as a result of your depression. So what can you tell yourself to lift the burden of guilt?

It’s crucial to take the long view that depression is not a life sentence, that it will eventually pass if you ride it out instead of harming yourself and that you will be functional again one day. It’s crucial to accept the fact you did not desire to be depressed or invite depression in, but that it just happened and that like it or not you’re going to be depressed for a while and there’s simply no getting around it. It’s crucial to have some compassion for yourself in the midst of all that emotional pain.

Rather than denounce yourself as a pathetic failure for being in pain, it’s so much better to love yourself as would love a hurt baby bird which had fallen from the nest. You can actually say to yourself: “I forgive you for hurting like this instead of working and parenting like you usually do. I love you very much even though you are feeling broken right now. I want what is best for you. I’m on your side. I want you to heal and feel better. I want you to be free of suffering. I want to be happy again.”  

You can also help yourself through the guilt phase of depression by remembering certain basic truths about life. No one is always in a position to serve others. Sometimes life forces us to receive, and being depressed is a time when you must receive help from others to survive, heal and recover. This isn’t a bad thing. Other people can find meaning in life by serving you, so your needs enhance their lives. Without someone to receive, nobody can give.

When you always act the part of the tough-as-nails Marine who is completely self-reliant and detests help from anyone, you’re sending out a message that being vulnerable is bad. When you allow others to serve you, you make it okay for the people you care about (your spouse, kids and friends) to be vulnerable too. When they need help one day, it will be easier for them to receive it. If it’s difficult to open yourself to receiving help from your spouse and kids remember all that you have done for them in the past.

Take some time to think about what would not have been if you had not existed. Yes, you may be immobilized by depression right now, but take some comfort and joy in the fact that you’ve added real value to the world by your existence. Perhaps you’ve had a long, happy marriage. Perhaps you and your spouse have raised some wonderful children who care about other people and make the world a better place. Perhaps you’ve built a solid, ethical law practice which has helped many clients over the years. Perhaps you have mentored young lawyers to have integrity, humanity and professionalism as well as keen legal skills.

Meaning doesn’t have to come from what you do. Meaning can come from the way you are. It can come from how you cope with difficulties and how you relate to others during a period of difficulty. If you’re able to release yourself from guilt, overcome your depression and return to health and function, you become a beacon of hope and a model of resilience to others. You become a teacher. No one can help being struck by depression or feeling guilt as a result of depression. But it is possible to release your guilt and this will aid in your healing.

RELIEVE STRESS THROUGH CHORES DONE IN A MEDITATIVE SPIRIT

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Our homes manifest the law of entropy. The moment we get the clothes washed, dried, folded, and put away, and kids’ things picked up off the floor, everything gets messy again. A few people I know (like my wife) can’t rest until their homes are clean, neat and well organized. Many of us (me included) look at home cleaning chores somewhat resentfully, wishing they would somehow take care of themselves and leave us alone.

Lawyers and the many other people who work in offices all day solving other people’s problems come home feeling worn and depleted. They want to rest and they want to be soothed. The last thing they want to do is some type of chore, which means the dishes remain piled up in the sink, the high stack of unpaid bills on the desk leans like the Tower of Pisa and the dust balls move across the floor like tumbleweeds. Various people soothe themselves in different ways. Some go to Happy Hour. Some go home and drink wine. Some flop on the couch, turn on the TV and channel surf. All of those things seem so much better than doing those damned dishes.

There are several draw backs to this mode of living. One is that clutter catches up with us and eventually the house resembles a jungle. Just looking at the clutter adds to your stress. If  your spouse does all the cleaning, you can count on him or her using the death stare if you seek affection. Guzzling alcohol or being a couch potato does not relieve the stress you accumulate at the office in a healthy way which leaves you with greater mental clarity, energy and zest. Thirdly, these modes of self-soothing deprive you of contact with the joy of living that comes from being truly present and mindful.

Thich Nhat Hanh put it best in The Miracle of Mindfulness when he said:

“To my mind, the idea that doing dishes is unpleasant can occur only when you aren’t doing them…I enjoy taking my time with each dish, being fully aware of the dish, the water, and each movement of my hands.  I know that if I hurry in order to eat dessert sooner, the time of washing dishes will be unpleasant and not worth living.  That would be a pity, for each minute, each second of life is a miracle.”

Tonight when you get home wash the dishes mindfully in the meditative spirit discussed by Thich Nhat Hanh and see what happens. You can always go back to the wine or TV, but you may find you don’t even need them. You may find that you want to read a good book, take a walk, hang out with your kids or spend some face time with your spouse really listening to what his or her day was like. Sit quietly. Take a deep breath. Imagine it. Do it.

MINDFULNESS: STAY AWARE OF YOUR OWN SUGGESTIBILITY

Saturday, June 26th, 2010
Lawyers falsely believe they are the captain of their cognitive ship. They think they make their own decisions and are able to detect and resist influences on their decision making which come from circumstances or from other people. A variety of studies have come out showing that most of our decision making occurs beneath conscious awareness and that our decisions are frequently influenced by what other people say, how other people act or how other people manipulate circumstances. A lot of this information is presented in Kluge by Gary Marcus and How We Decide by Jonah Lehrer, but new studies along these lines come out every day. Here are two.
In June 2010 Michelle VanDellen of the University of Georgia and co-author Rick Hoyle at Duke University published their research in the online edition of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin concerning how an individual’s level of self-control is influenced by others. By doing five studies over two years with hundreds of volunteers they learned that self-control and lack of self-control are both contagious and both are spread by social networks.
In the first study volunteers who were asked to think about a friend with good self-control persisted longer on a handgrip test than volunteers asked to think about a friend with bad self-control. In the second, volunteers who watched a person choose a carrot instead of a cookie off a plate were more likely to choose a carrot than volunteers who watched a person choose a cookie. In the third, volunteers were asked to list the names of friends with good or bad self-control. While they performed a computerized test measuring self-control, the name of a friend was flashed too fast to read but enough to subliminally bring the name to mind. The volunteers exposed subliminally to the name of a friend with good self-control showed better self-control on the test than those exposed to the name of a friend with poor self-control. In the fourth, volunteers were asked to write an essay about a friend with good or bad self-control. In a later test of self-control the volunteers who wrote about a friend with good self-control did better on a test measuring self-control than those who wrote a friend with bad self-control. In the fifth test, volunteers asked to write an essay about a friend with good self-control were much faster at identifying words related to self-control (like achieve, discipline and effort) than volunteers asked to write about a friend with poor self-control.
Van Dellen concluded that although we are all responsible for actions, our level of self-control is subject to influence by watching or even thinking about how other people exercise self-control. She said that whether we eat a second cookie and whether we go to the gym or skip it depends in part on what sort of people are in our social network. While reading this study my mind immediately jumped to William Golding’s Lord of the Flies, a book I discussed last night with my nine year old son. In that book British school boys who had been trained in self-discipline were marooned on a deserted island and in a very short time they split up into tribes. The boys in the tribe with violent leaders prone to scapegoating and harming others quickly stepped in line and abandoned self-restraint. Only the boys who made a conscious effort to stay true to civilized values were able to preserve self-control.
In the June 2010 issue of Science researchers Joshua M. Ackerman of MIT, John A. Bargh of Yale, and Christopher C. Nocera of Harvard, showed that people are influenced by their sense of touch when they make supposedly rational decisions. They took 86 adult volunteers and had them bargain with a salesperson over a new car with a sticker price of $16,500. The volunteers who sat on the hard, wooden chairs wanted an average of $896.50 more for the car. The ones who sat on the soft, comfy chairs were willing to pay an average of $1,243.60 extra for the car. They then asked 54 passers-by to evaluate a job candidate by reading the person’s resume which was attached to a clipboard. Some clipboards weighed .75 pounds while others weighed 4.5 pounds. People holding the heavier clipboard evaluated the same job candidate as overall better and more serious than people holding the lighter clipboard.
Mindfulness is non-judgmental awareness of what is going on inside you and around you in the present moment. When you are mindful, and you  take account of the people and circumstances that could be influencing your perceptions and choices, you are more able to make decisions which truly reflect your values, principles and goals. When you are mindless (meaning you are just reacting to people and circumstances without objectivity) you are vulnerable to all kinds of influences, including how much self-control your friends or colleagues do or don’t exercise, what sort of seat you’re sitting on and how heavy a clipboard you’re holding when you review written material.
These research papers are a wake up call to all of us that it pays to be more mindful. When John A. Bargh was interviewed on NPR on June 25, 2010 there was a discussion about a new trend in sales, where the new car salesman works the deal out with the customer while he is seated on the soft car seat behind the steering wheel instead of sitting on the hard wooden chair in the salesman’s cramped office. This technique nets dealerships a better sales price because softer seat makes buyers softer in negotiations.
So next time you have to make a decision, take a breath, relax, and take stock of your surroundings and your train of thought, before you pull the trigger. You will reap the benefit of making smarter, more informed choices for yourself, your clients and your family, and you will have less to regret after your decisions are final.

THE BENEFITS OF PRESENCE AND HOW TO STAY PRESENT

Saturday, June 19th, 2010
When you are present you are at your best and able to live your highest potential. Your mind is uncluttered, open and free. Presence is “embedded awareness.” When you’re present the quiet, clear, receptive state of consciousness extends throughout your body. Presence enables you to actively listen to and authentically respond to other people instead of blindly reacting to them. When you respond you are relating non-judgmentally from a place of wisdom grounded in the here and now. When you react you’re in robot mode – you’re expressing unconscious behavior patterns programmed long ago which have nothing to do with the current situation. When you’re present you can notice, appreciate and savor the beauty around you – be it an exquisite meal, flowers in bloom or the stars above at night.
Presence will help you at the office, at home and everywhere else. Imagine how much better you would perform in a trial or how much more fully and enjoyably you would relate to your spouse and children if you were present instead of distracted? If you were to make a truthful graph of how much of the time in any given day you were present and how much of the time you were pre-occupied or spaced out, what would it look like? Most people are present considerably less than 50% of the time. Do you want to raise the percentage of your daily average of being present? If so, know that it’s quite possible to go over 50% and keep increasing it from there. The Buddha (which means the awakened one) was 100% present, and he taught that this level of presence is possible for all of us if we commit to that goal and train our minds.
How do you become more present? First you have to understand the obstacles to being present so you can remove them. Second you have to learn and practice some simple techniques for staying present. Third, you have to get better at detecting when you’re present and when you’re not to gauge your progress. When you climb the stairs in your house and can’t recall why you wanted to go upstairs, when you suddenly wake up at the steering wheel while driving and can’t account for the last few minutes or when your friend says “Earth to Joe.  Please respond.” you haven’t been present.
Three of the biggest obstacles to presence are monkey mind, losing your body and judging. Monkey mind is a Buddhist term which refers to that stream of incessant thoughts inside your head – a hodge podge of cravings for what you find rewarding,  resistance to what you find unpleasant, random thoughts, status checks on your daily to do list, bits of self-criticism and emotionally-tinged narratives triggered by your experiences. Where do these thoughts come from and why do they keep arising in such huge numbers (which neuroscientists estimate at 40,000 – 60,000 per day)? Evolution designed consciousness to continuously scan for and detect anything in the environment which could enable us to survive and reproduce or which could harm and kill us. Our revved up minds will constantly chew on potential rewards and threats unless we learn to quiet them. This is hard to do when we are bombarded with tens of thousands of advertisements every day messaging us about rewards (like better sex with better looking people) and threats (terrorism, war, famine, epidemic disease, household germs, tooth decay, erectile dysfunction, hypertension, diabetes and so forth).
A second obstacle to presence in losing one’s body. This happens when you’re caught up in a reverie or fantasy and you’re figuratively disembodied and lost in the clouds. Day dreaming literary characters like Walter Mitty and Rip Van Winkle come to mind here. A third obstacle to presence is judgment. When you have judged and labeled a person or situation you have closed the proverbial book and you’re no longer open to exploring what that person or situation has to offer.
A Buddhist teacher I know with a sharp sense of humor has come up with a way to manifest each of these obstacles to presence with bodily gestures and sounds. For monkey mind she has people put their thumbs under their armpits, wiggle their other fingers and make monkey noises. For the disembodied state she has them raise their arms overhead, look up, wave their hands and ask “where’s my body?” For judgment, she has people put their left hand on their hip, wag their right index finger in a negative, judging way and shake their head from side to side. When you do these gestures it really helps crystallize what’s going on your mind when your lost in monkey mind, flying off in the clouds or judging.
So how can you regain presence when you’ve lost it? For monkey mind it really helps to take some slow, deep breaths and allow all thoughts to pass through consciousness without attempting to suppress them, push them away or engage with them. All too often we blindly accept negative, random thoughts as true and try to argue against their truth. Just as often when we have a negative thought we ask things like “why am I having this thought?” “what does having this thought say about me?” or  “what can I do to stop having these thoughts?” The more we respond in these ways the more agitated and less present we become. The technique of sitting quietly, breathing deeply and allowing random thoughts to come and go without accepting or rejecting them and without reacting emotionally to them is the way out of that forest.
When the problem is being lost in the clouds, use a technique to ground yourself. One way is stroke and pat yourself all over your body while standing or sitting. Another is to remove your shoes, feel the weight of your feet sink into the floor and imagine lines of energy running from your feet to the center of the earth and back. You can also do a shoeless walking meditation where you feel the weight of your feet against the earth as you very slowly and deliberately take one step at a time, employing full awareness as you lift, carry and plant one foot at a time. When the problem is judgment become curious. Ask yourself why did that person do or say that? Could there be a legitimate, acceptable or good reason for something he did or said that ticked me off? Behind the clothes and the face I see what is this person really like? Take a chance and explore.
Aside from these techniques there are many others. Here are two that I learned from others which I do now and then. One is savoring. I will take a small bit of food such as a raisin, slowly explore it’s shape with my tongue and then nibble and chew it with extreme slowness to develop all its texture and flavor. Another is the gibberish exercise which is great if you do it with friends. Each person walks around the room making any sounds and gestures that come to mind. The only restriction is that you can’t use a language you know. What comes out are animal sounds, grunts, singing and parodies of foreign languages along with Monty Pythonesque walks. It’s a bit like being in a psychiatric ward for psychotic patients. After a bit of this you sit down or lay on your back with a still, quiet mind, travel inward toward the very center of your being and rest there. This technique (first developed by Osho) has amazing power. It flushes all the mental garbage out of your mind and creates a remarkable degree of present moment awareness and openness.